Birthday Blah

Does anyone else lapse into feeling somewhat sorry for themselves in the weeks before their birthday? I'm about 2 weeks away from a birthday, and every year, as soon as March hits, it feels like the only party I want to have is a pity party.

And it has nothing to do with how old I'm turning. I actually don't have such big issues with how old I am. Sure, I'm turning 29. Last year of my 20s...that time when lots of women flip their shit, lament all their eggs that have dropped in vain, and all the youth that's behind them, how single they are, etc. And sure, I'm kind of in that boat, but timelines are stupid, and I don't really care so much about that.

I've also been telling people I'm 30 for like 2 years already because it makes me feel better professionally. As if a late-twenty-something doesn't demand as much respect as a 30-year-old business woman. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe not. But 30 doesn't scare me. 35 might. But only if I'm still living in a studio apartment.

No, I get all weird about my birthday because I never know what to DO about it. I always feel like I either have to A) plan my own party, which is self-indulgent or B) ask someone else to do it, which reeks of desperation. It feels like you have to ask people to care about you, and that kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it? And I guess I've never had those kind of people who do it for you without asking.

The last few years, I've organized my own birthdays. I try to keep it small, just the people to whom I feel especially close. Either a dinner out somewhere, or I have them over and cook. But in every case, I always stress about whether those people will like each other, and if they'll all be happy with the food. So what about planning my own birthday is worth it or fun for me? Yeah, not much.

So this year...I'm bailing. I have a plan to mark the occasion (that was a clue) that involves 2 people who have been especially important to me this year, but that's it. No party. No dinner. No stress. Let's see how it goes. I, for one, am relieved and looking forward to it.